That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
