please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
