My liver just broke up with me...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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