Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
