In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The uberlube is also flammable
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
