It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
