I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
