just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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