When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
FUCK WHALES
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
