apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
