bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I understand Curling. That high.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
