My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
