I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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