I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
