I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
