he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
