i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
