Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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