After last night, I could never be a politician.
high people should be assigned attendants
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
