sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have aggressive nipples.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
