My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
