my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
