You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
