I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
