Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
