i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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