I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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