Kiss
Puke
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
