The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
