Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
