Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
