Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
