I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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