I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My vagina is very pro this idea
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
