I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
