At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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