Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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