I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
