Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
