wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
