he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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