This gyro tastes like lonliness
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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