i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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