she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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