drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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