Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
