He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
