walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
