you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
