I faked an abortion last night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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