I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
