Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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