My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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