Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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