i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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