I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
